Facing Leadership Doubt
Moses objected, “They won’t trust me. They won’t listen to a word I say. They’re going to say, ‘God? Appear to him? Hardly!’ So God said, “What’s that in your hand?” “A staff.”
Exodus 4:1-2 MSG
When Moses was asked by God to do what he felt was impossible and outlandish for him to even consider, he came up with excuses. One such excuse that he came up with was “what if they don’t believe me?” God doesn’t respond harshly; he responds with a kind word in the form of a question. “What is in your hand?” Moses, a shepherd, had held a staff in his hand for most of his days probably. It meant nothing, it was a common instrument that was not that big of a deal.
Ordinary
What is ordinary? To Moses, a staff was ordinary, yet many others have never held one! To a pilot, an airplane yoke is ordinary. However, it would terrify a non-pilot to hold the yoke mid-air! A scalpel is ordinary to a surgeon, who can do tremendous good with it and others would do serious damage with it. To a preacher, a platform is ordinary. However, most would be frozen with stage fright if they stood on one in front of a crowd.
The ordinary is not unremarkable when placed in the hands of a messenger of God, with the power of the Holy Spirit, even the ordinary becomes extraordinary.
Eugene Peterson artfully interprets Romans 12:1 perfectly writing,
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.
Romans 12:1 MSG
Blessed With a Curse
Jesus and his disciples came across a man blind from birth. A story recounted in John chapter nine. The disciples of Jesus asked a rude, yet common question: “Rabbi, who sinned to make this man be born blind?” Jesus responded with compassion “nobody.” He goes on to explain that this happened so that God could do his work in and through this man.
I have prayed and begged God for an encounter like this man’s for most of my childhood and young adult life…
You see when I was five, I had the speech of a two-year-old. I was diagnosed with “moderate-to-severe hearing loss, cause unknown.” The doctors, therapists, and experts painted a gloomy picture for my life. I was scheduled for surgeries to try and improve, not heal, my hearing deficiencies. My parents were told that I would have to undergo multiple surgeries, hours of speech therapy, and wear hearing aids for the rest of my life.
My parents were forewarned that I would:
- Never speak clearly
- Not graduate High School
- Not ever be fully independent
Thankfully, my parents were people of great faith and responded as people of great faith. They called their friends and church family to prayer and committed to doing everything they could for me and trust God with everything they couldn’t do.
With God’s help, I:
- Speak two languages clearly
- Not only graduated High School (with my peers), I went on to graduate college, attend graduate school in Spanish, and in May 2023, I earned a Doctorate with a 3.92 GPA.
- Started serving God in the local church in 1997 at the age of 19.
- Served in the mission field in Puerto Rico for five years. I lived fully independently for three years in Puerto Rico, before getting married to Keila.
- Am a certified SCUBA instructor, licensed private pilot, and an Ordained Elder.
- Am the proud father of two fabulous kids.
In my mid-twenties, I stopped praying for a John chapter nine encounter with God. It is not that my faith waned or faltered. I stopped praying for healing because God answered my prayer! God told me that my healing would come, in HIS time, not mine. I stopped seeking the healing because I understood that the healing has already happened, the prayer has already been answered – I just have to wait patiently. God’s word never returns void, so it is only a matter of time.
When I was 39, my doctor finally answered a life-long riddle for me. Why was I hard of hearing when I was born and why at 39 was my hearing getting worse? The answer is found in my inner ear. Past the ear drum and the three miniature bones that transmit the vibrations of sound is the cochlea. My cochleae are not formed correctly, a condition called “Mondini Dysplasia” which makes my hearing not “right” and would continue to deteriorate for the rest of my life.
So, in 2017 and again in 2020, I underwent another surgery on my ears. This time, the doctors implanted Cochlear Implants which circumvent the problem with my cochleae and allow me to hear better than any other time in my life.
What is in your hand?
So, for me, when God asks “what is in your hand” I understand that what is so ordinary for me, is used by God to do extraordinary things in my life and the lives of others. Guess what? What is ordinary for you, can be used by God too! Therefore,
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